But We're Not Scottish!
by BendyStrawBunny
Summary: There has been a uniform change at Hogwarts. One that Harry Potter seems to find rather nonsensical. Beware the massive Trix overload that is Kaila’s humor. One shot. Features implied HarryEverybody.


Note: Written for ficinspiration 's 4th challenge. This challenge was supposed to be inspired by an icon, and mine was quite lovely with a cute little green and red kilt. The end result was this. Enjoy!  
  
Ron stepped heavily into the dorm room and threw a long thin box at the foot of Harry's bed. "Morning, mate!" he said happily.  
  
Harry opened one eye lazily and fished around the top of his bed stand for his glasses. "Whazzit?" he said sleepily.  
  
"New uniforms!"  
  
"What?" Harry finally found his glasses and shoved them on his head, only to see Ron standing proudly in front of his bed wearing what seemed to be.... a skirt.  
  
Several moments passed in which Harry stared dumbfounded at Ron who returned his gaze with a big grin. "Ron... I think... you got Hermione's box. Because if you haven't noticed.... you're wearing a skirt." Harry said, laughing nervously, deciding that Ron was playing a rather stupid joke on him.  
  
"Oh come on Harry, don't be thick! Now open your box!"  
  
Harry hesitated but then snatched the box from in front of his bed and ripped it open. Sure enough, a neatly folded plaid skirt was placed in between several large piece of fluffy tissue paper.  
  
"...And I got.. Ginny's."  
  
"Harry, would you put your kilt on, already? You're gonna be late for breakfast!"  
  
"Kilt?" Harry prodded the skirt and lifted it up to examine it. "But... we're not Scottish."  
  
"Hogwarts is in Scotland you know. Dumbledore probably wanted the school to display more Scottish pride."  
  
"But... we're not Scottish. We're British."  
  
"Harry just put the damn thing on!"  
  
Harry was dragged by Ron into the Great Hall later that morning by the cuff of his long-sleeved shirt. "I'm not going in there, I look like a git."  
  
"Harry, would you get over it? The whole school has to wear uniforms you know!"  
  
Harry was finally lead reluctantly into the Hall, where everybody was eating their breakfast quite contently, and all, as Ron said, wearing red and green striped kilts.  
  
"I'm going to kill myself."  
  
"Harry! Ron! Over here!" called Hermione waving her hands frantically from across the Hall.  
  
Ron grabbed hold of Harry's arm once again, and he was lead through the crowd, his face burning as he saw people look at him.  
  
"Aren't the new uniforms great, Harry?" Hermione said with a huge grin on her face as she poured orange juice in his glass. "I'm so glad we're finally getting into the Scottish spirit!"  
  
"But we're not Scottish, Hermione."  
  
"Well.." she finished off Harry's glass and moved to fill Ron's. "Hogwarts is in Scotland you know."  
  
"But we're not Scottish."  
  
Before Hermione could reply Seamus, Dean and Neville walked up to the table and took their seats around the trio. Seamus gave Harry a quick pat on the arse before he took his seat. "Lookin' good, mate!"  
  
"Oh God.."  
  
"Don't you love the kilts, Harry?" said Neville as he piled his plate with pancakes.  
  
"Neville... we are not Scottish."  
  
"Seamus i' Scottish!" he said thickly through a mouthful of cake.  
  
"No, mate, I'm Irish."  
  
"Naw, I'm pretty sure you're Scottish."  
  
"The hell I am!"  
  
"But what about--"  
  
"Listen, thickhead. I've got an Irish accent, whenever I talk about my mother I say 'Me mam', I'm afraid of Banshees and my bloody name is Seamus!! You don't get any more Irish then that!"  
  
"Well anyway. Hogwarts is in Scotland you know." Neville said turning to Harry.  
  
"Yes I know.... but we're not Scottish.. we're British. We come... from England.." Harry said very slowly, hoping that this would make them understand better.  
  
"But Hogwarts is in--"  
  
"Yes, Dean. I know where our school is." Harry's eye twitched. "But the point... that I am trying to make to you all is--"  
  
"Good morning... Mr. Potter."  
  
Harry froze mid-speech and stared quite intently at Dean. There was nothing in the world that was going to make him turn and around and see--  
  
"Snape's wearin' a kilt!" Neville whispered.  
  
Harry turned around in spite of himself and got an eye-full of his Potions teacher's pasty white legs sticking awkwardly out of a knee-length kilt.  
  
"Now I'm really gonna kill myself."  
  
"Do you like the new uniforms, Potter? I myself find them rather... drafty."  
  
Harry buried his face in his hands.  
  
"Well.. see you in class.." And Snape flitted away, his kilt billowing out behind him.  
  
"Oh. My. God. The images, the horrible, horrible images."  
  
Harry lifted his head to see Hermione and the guys still watching the teacher's progress down the aisle. "Snape's lookin' good!" exclaimed Hermione.  
  
Harry clawed at his head frantically. "The IMAGES!"  
  
Harry now concentrated on thinking about anything besides kilts. Especially Snape in kilts.  
  
But before he could properly clear his mind, he was interrupted by yet another person he had no wish to see in a skirt. Malfoy.  
  
"Nice kilt Potter, fancy a shag in the broom cupboard later?"  
  
"Sod off, Malfoy."  
  
"Now, now, Potter. Don't be so rude."  
  
Harry opened his mouth to say something quite rude indeed when he heard someone clear their throat loudly. It was Dumbledore, looking as though he was going to give a speech.  
  
He smiled widely at the students as he stood up, and Harry noticed that Dumbledore also donned a bright platted kilt. "How does everybody like the new school uniforms?"  
  
The question was greeted with cheers and whistles from the students, and a loud groan from Harry.  
  
"I thought they would instill a sort of pride and unity in Hogwarts."  
  
"Wow! I am so proud to be Scottish!" exclaimed Hermione.  
  
"We are not Scottish!!" roared Harry.  
  
"I'm Scottish!"  
  
Harry whipped around. "Oliver? What the hell are you doing here? You graduated two and a half years ago!"  
  
"I uh, just dropped by to...." Oliver looked around the table and grabbed the toast off of Hermione's plate. "Get some toast! Thanks guys!" And with that he dashed from the Great Hall.  
  
".... Really, really gonna kill myself."  
  
"That Oliver sure is a great guy." said Seamus.  
  
"And a proud Scot..." Lavender Brown said from down the table. "Unlike.. some people.." She glared evilly at Harry.  
  
Harry's eye gave another painful twitch. "Okay... maybe Oliver is scottish but the rest us.... are BRIT.... ISH. Our school is in Scotland. But WE.." He made frantic movements with his hands in indicate everybody at the table. "all come... from ENGLAND. ENGLAND! ENNNNG...LAAAAANNNDD!!!!!"  
  
"Harry!"  
  
"ENGLAND!"  
  
"Harry! Wake up!"  
  
"ENGGLAAA- What?"  
  
Harry awoke to Ron hovering over him "What about England?" Ron said, looking rather puzzled.  
  
"I.. I... had a dream.."  
  
Ron raised one of his eyebrows in question. "Alright.."  
  
"It was so bizarre Ron, we were all here, but you and everybody... with kilts! And... and.. I think Seamus came on to me.. but.. anyway.." Harry blinked and reached for his glasses. "I told them, we weren't Scottish but.. you know.. I'm glad it was just a.." He shoved his glasses unto his face and turned his head to look at Ron.  
  
And saw unmistakable plaid pattern of a kilt surrounding Ron's legs.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
Ron stared as Harry dashed from the bed and out of the door still wearing his night clothes.  
  
Dean walked over to Ron and sat at the edge of Harry's bed. "What was that all about?"  
  
"I don't know.. what does Harry have against my plaid night-shirt?"  
  
"I don't know, but that was the lamest ending to any fic ever."  
  
"..."  
  
END. 


End file.
